i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize