I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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