so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
