How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
