Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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