I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There's always time for handjobs
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
