Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
