I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
