Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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