I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this just has baby written all over it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
