This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
