Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
