do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
