Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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