I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
