apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
