I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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