Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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