you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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