I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
