I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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