I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
