There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's shark week go big or go home
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
