dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize