so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
