part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
