If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
