I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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