He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
