Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
