He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
