After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Two words: nipple clamps
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