So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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