I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
