It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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