is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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