note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
