I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The adults are the big ones right?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
