it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
