We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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