Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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