I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize