I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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