Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
