i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize