He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
