we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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