I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
