I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
