I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
