I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
