you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize