its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
