we're chasing vodka with high fives
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
