I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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