he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize