And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The air taste purple.
Randomize