Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
