dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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