I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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