She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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