I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
