I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just found a bag of teeth...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
