she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
True strength comes from lack of pants
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
