I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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