a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
