I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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