i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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