Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
