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I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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