My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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