i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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