Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
