Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
