wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
