I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
