which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
