also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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