i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
