Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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