hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
