do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
