I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
