My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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