just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So squirting runs in the family.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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