And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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