i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Randomize
