I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
