you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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