I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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