The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
