Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
