NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
