But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
