I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
