Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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