the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
