Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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