That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Green mimosas i think yes
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
