I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
