Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
