So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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