It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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