I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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