She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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