Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
