You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
