when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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